Who Let the Dogs Out?

The urban iditarod. It is quickly shaping up to be a national wink wink nudge nudge excuse to maim and defile shopping carts. This past Saturday the carnage was taking place in Los Angeles. On this day our four-wheeled friends lived in the City of Angst.

The tradition of having the huskie-less Iditarod started, of course, in San Francisco. And – like veganism, sandals and pedestrian right-of-way – the bad idea fanned out from the bay to points across the globe.

The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse is currently formulating a plan to counter the popularity of the urban iditarod. We cannot publish details at this time except to say that it may involve salmonella-laced beer.

Stop the Windy City Madness

Today in Chicago the annual Chiditarod is taking place. This event invites teams of five people – four “dogs” tied to a tricked-out shopping cart and one “musher” running behind steering – to race through the city streets. The cover story is that this is a fun event that benefits charity. In truth it is nothing more than a Gen-X orchestrated shopping cart abuse fest.

Next year The Center for Prevention of Shopping Cart Abuse will be organizing a rival event – Flannelitarod. Teams of former Chiditarod participants will be forced to read each others poetry and drink instant coffee. Then they’ll be sprayed down with hoses.