Shopper X Brings It to Kalamazoo

March 16, 2009 – Notorious top ten shopping cart abuser Shopper X has declared his intention to come out of retirement. At an unscheduled event in Kalamazoo, Michigan he publicly destroyed fourteen carts in the parking lot of a Lowe’s store. Onlookers described a scene of merciless mayhem. Shopper X used items from the store’s spring sale to senselessly pound the carts beyond repair.

“I came down for a Santa Rosa elongated style toilet (with a new lower price of $308)”, noted local resident Norman Shumway, “You can imagine my surprise when there was a man in the parking lot using that exact same model to bash a shopping cart!”

Shopper X announced his retirement in San Francisco in 2001. This was followed by the retirement of his compatriot Ali Wawa and a sabbatical by Cherry Picker. Thus began the golden era of shopping cart safety on the west coast. Now Shopper X has announced a cross-country tour in support of his bid to unseat Kaiser Sousa from the number two spot on the top ten list. Scouts have increasingly predicted a move down the ranks for Mr. Sousa as a result of recent complacency.